December 1, 2023 By Glenn Mangurian
We are in the middle of the holiday season and its time for some joyful humor. My interview with Barbie a few months ago was so well received that I decided to interview one of the holiday celebrities – Rudolph. I contacted the North Pole and arranged for a Zoom with the assistance of one of the elves. The following is a condensed version of my conversation with the lead reindeer.
Glenn: Hi Rudolph. Thanks for agreeing to this interview.
Rudolph: My pleasure Glenn. I’ve been busy working out getting ready for the ‘round the world’ marathon on December 24th .
Glenn: How do you prepare?
Rudolph: Well, the reindeer have a yearlong program to get into shape for the deliveries. We exercise daily with an emphasis on cardio workout. We also have a team of nutritionists and massage therapists. Of course, we need to carbo-load the week before. And, the food the children leave for us before they go to bed gives us the energy we need to keep us going and meet our tight schedule.
Glenn: What’s it like living at the North Pole?
Rudolph: Cold,very cold, although it seems to be getting warmer each year.
Glenn: Climate change?
Rudolph: Yes, Mrs. Claus is very sensitive to environmental issues. She tells us that we have to do our part to reduce carbon emissions.
Glenn: How so?
Rudolph: She has ruled out delivering coal to the naughty children. This year they will receive broccoli. There are still other changes in the works.
Glenn: Really?
Rudolph: Ya, I understand that Elon Musk is working on an autonomous, electric sleigh that will put the reindeers out of work. With GPS and drones, Santa may be able to pilot the sleigh and deliver the gifts remotely from the North Pole. I think that is a long way off. I’m more worried about artificial intelligence.
Glenn: What’s the relevance of AI?
Rudolph: I’m told that AI can predict what gifts each child wants. You know we employ a lot of elves who read the letters sent to Santa. The elf readers would have to be retrained.
Glenn: What’s it like living with the other reindeers?
Rudolph: We have our share of drama. No one likes Prancer. She is fairly self-centered and is a bit of a showboat. Dancer likes to perform for others but doesn’t get along with Prancer. Comet is a bit disorganized and has earned the reputation of being “spacey”. She is always gazing at the stars and hardly ever looking where she’s going. Donner kinda blends in and keeps to himself. Dasher is usually the first to run out of gas in our long flight. The rest of us have to make up for his fatigue. Blitzen is the last in line and has to clean up after the others (if you know what I mean). Cupid is the matchmaker. I’ve been unsuccessful with reindeer dating apps so I turned to Cupid. She is responsible for me and my girlfriend, Vixen.
Glenn: Wow. It seems like there’s a lot going on at the North Pole.
Rudolph: Don’t get me started with stories about the elves.
Glenn: Where do you go in January?
Rudolph: Like everyone else we go south – to the South Pole that is. We need the daylight for our vitamin D
Glenn: Do you enjoy leading the reindeer?
Rudolph: I do now. At first, the other reindeer made fun of my red nose. Then they grew to respect my leadership. Of course, it’s a team effort. What can be more meaningful than delivering presents to little boys and girls? And Nick is a Saint and my hero. It is an honor and a privilege. As the song goes:
“Santa came to say
‘Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?’
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You’ll go down in history’.”
I love it!!!!!!! D