January 13, 2025 by Glenn Mangurian (photo from Tim Mossholder via Unsplash)
How are you doing on your 2025 New Year’s resolutions? The most popular ones are to eat less and exercise more. Do these resonate with what you want? Consider this: in a recent survey of millennials, when asked what they wanted in their adult lives, over 80% said they wanted to get rich, many also said they wanted to get famous and others said they wanted high career achievements. Surprisingly, wealth, social status, and professional success actually play a much smaller role in determining long-term happiness.
How about a different kind of 2025 resolution: to be happy (or happier)?
The Harvard Study
I decided to research happiness. In my research I came across the Harvard Study of Adult Development. For over 85 years, the study has been exploring the question: what truly makes us happy? This longitudinal study, which began in 1938, is one of the most comprehensive investigations into human well-being ever conducted. The study’s findings have consistently pointed to one overarching truth: relationships are the cornerstone of happiness. Warm and meaningful connections with family, friends, and community not only enhance emotional well-being but also contribute to physical health and longevity. Conversely, loneliness and poor-quality relationships are corrosive and have been linked to declining mental health, chronic illnesses, and shorter lifespans. Increasingly, some youth are joining the elderly in a “loneliness epidemic”.
Dr. Robert Waldinger is the fourth director of the Harvard study. His TED Talk about the study, “What Makes a Good Life,” has been viewed more than 42 million times and is one of the ten most-watched TED talks ever. Dr. Waldinger recounted that when the first round of participants were in their 80s, they were asked what they wished they had done differently, and what they were most proud of. The men replied that they wished they hadn’t spent as much time at work, but with the people they cared about. The women replied that they wished they hadn’t worried about what people thought of them. For both genders, their proudest achievements all had to do with relationships. Participants were proud of being a good parent, partner, friend, or mentor.
My Own Experience
As I watch the TED Talk, I reflected on my connections. I’ve always sought out relationships with a wide range of friends and colleagues. I took them for granted until I became injured in 2001. My wife and children would often drive into Boston with dinner that we would share in a conference room with a white sheet tablecloth. It was a recurring intimate gathering of support during my two month hospital stay. I also received an outpouring of support from my friends and former colleagues.
All of us have been there for a family member, a friend, a colleague, or even an acquaintance in a time of need. We touch people’s lives, but we don’t necessarily realize how much. It’s easy to underestimate the impact we have. But people notice and remember. In my first couple of months in the hospital, I received a few hundred cards. The letters were humbling and rewarding. None of them simply expressed regret and support. Everyone wrote paragraphs, recounting our times together and instances of my helping them in some way—simple acts of kindness that became lasting memories for them. I continue to have a large support network that I draw on during my time of emotional need and which continues to be a source of happiness. So yes, our personal connections to others are of the utmost importance.
What might you do to increase your happiness?
Consider Changing Your Focus
- What if you made a 2025 resolution to reframe your view of happiness by nurturing you connection to others?
- What past relationships can you reconnect? What current relationships can you nurture? What new relationship can you start?
- How can you demonstrate the value of relationships for your children or grandchildren?