September 11, 2024 By Glenn Mangurian
Many experts report we have a mental health crisis. A mental health crisis is any situation in which a person’s behaviors or symptoms put them at risk of hurting themselves or others and/or prevents them from being able to function effectively.
I am reading an insightful book – “Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides” by Geoffrey Cohen (a Psychology professor at Stanford University).
Cohen asserts that we have an innate need to belong and ‘lack of belonging’ and loneliness has become a modern epidemic. He writes that the deep human need to belong is etched into our unconscious mind. We are designed by nature for connection. Loneliness is a signal from the brain to tell us that something isn’t right. He describes that “feeling excluded is experienced in much the same way that physical pain is. Psychologists call it ‘social pain’.” His book could be required reading for parents, teachers and children.
Sadly some adults and children believe they don’t fit in and have trouble belonging anywhere. The feeling of being left out or alienated can also be due to race, gender identity, and age. When we feel that we don’t belong, we feel lonely, adrift and isolated which can easily lead to depression or worse. I read that about one in five individuals suffer chronic loneliness with a 2020 survey finding that young adults suffer the most. It is natural to worry about our children (and grandchildren) and how they would feel about belonging. Are they living in an “us vs. them” environment – belonging by excluding? How can we foster connection in what we might experience as a fractured world around us?
Think about where and to what you belong. How long is your list? I’ve observed that my sense of belonging “ebbs and flows”. Some past relationships get weaker over time while new relationships emerge. Fortunately, my sense of belonging is broad and still strong. Take a step back and reflect on your family, friends and colleagues. Do any of them seem withdrawn? Can you make a connection? A simple act of kindness can make all the difference in the world. And that would be a very good thing.